


Mama Bear

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [10]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Real Events, PMSing, Parody, Poor Cesare, Thin Mints, Yelling at Joke, girl scout cookies, he can't catch a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2282631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a few rare occasions when Yusuf gets mad. Good thing is, that only happens when a combination of things happen to her. Bad thing is... they happened. Cesare shouldn't have touched those cookies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mama Bear

**Author's Note:**

> Something almost exactly like this happened to me. I completely regretted yelling at our Cesare when it happened and I did apologize to him... but that was hours later when I was clam. Ezio keeps calling them my "Mama Bear moments."

**Characters in this story:**

* * *

 

                It was a bright, sunny day in the middle of spring. The flowers were smiling up at the sky and the newly returned birds were singing the songs of their people. Everyone was even calm at the base; some were sitting in the relaxing silence of the living room, others slept, and the rest were in the kitchen waiting for the poor soul who was on grocery duty to bring them food.

It truly was a tranquil morning… until the door was kicked in.

The resounding _BANG_ from the door hitting the wall made everyone in both the living room and kitchen jump out of their skin. Not even a full second after they all recovered from the sound passed before they grabbed the nearest thing to be used as a weapon. They all moved closer to the hall as what sounded like heavy boots neared them. Shaun, the closest in either room to the hall, raised her weapon over her head and waited with baited breath.

_Thump, thump, THUMP, THUMP, **THUMP**!_

Shaun started to bring her weapon down when she saw the intruder come into view but stopped as she saw who it was. It was the poor soul on grocery duty this week: Yusuf.

“Bloody hell,” the brit sighed as she dropped her hands to her sides.

Yusuf turned her head towards the small girl and, glancing down at her weapon, irritably raised an eyebrow. “Were you seriously going to just beam me over the head with a fucking _lamp_?”

Shaun cocked an eyebrow too as she rested her tiny fists on her hips. “So what if I was?  I wasn’t the one who made it sound like all the Templars in the bloody state were breaking through the door!”

“Well _excuse_ me for leaving my fucking key here,” the Turk sneered back.

“If you left your key here, then why didn’t you knock like any other sane person?”

“Oh _sure_ , with what; my head?”

Shaun glanced down at Yusuf’s hands, now noticing all the bags. There were at least five in each hand. “Well you _could_ have put them down an-“

“Put them down _where_? News flash; it fucking _poured_ last night and there’s a huge ass _lake_ right outside the front freaking door. So unless you want to be the one to personally pay to replace the soggy bread,” the Turk paused and brought her face so close to the brit’s that she could see the gold flakes in her eyes, “I’d suggest you _shut the hell up_.”

The brunette turned towards the kitchen, leaving Shaun still leaning back slightly. “Also,” Yusuf added over her shoulder, “now we have a good fucking excuse to get a better lock. That old one was crap.”

Shaun shook her head to get rid of her shock. Yusuf was virtually _never_ like that. She looked down the hall to find the door still open and, after taking another glance at the Turk who practically threw the groceries in the kitchen, moved to go close it. Unfortunately when she got there, the brit found two problems with the door. One problem was the fact that the latch was now missing; meaning that the door wouldn’t be staying closed anytime soon.

The other problem was the knob being stuck so far into the wall that the dirty blond couldn’t get it out.

As the girl stared slack jawed at the door, Yusuf crossed the hall behind her with two green boxes in her hand. She set the boxes down on the table right in front of the girl who wanted her to buy them.

Paola looked up and happily squealed at the sight of her favorite cookies. However, before she could grab them and hide them away somewhere, someone was already reaching to steal them.

As she got ready to yell at the wannabe cookie thief, another hand slammed down on the boxes; keeping them in place. It was silent as neither hand moved. Paola took the chance to look up to see Cesare (pretty much the only other person in the base whose love for thin mints rivaled her own) and Yusuf having a glare-off.

“These aren’t your’s,” the assassin growled out.

The ex-Templar’s mouth twitched as he straightened his back. “Oh, well, you see, I thought these cookies were for me since you know how much I love them. But now that you won’t let me have them then I guess I’ll have to-“

Everyone in the room knew Cesare was joking; even as he slowly brought his hands up as if he would choke the assassin. That is, everyone except Yusuf whose eye twitched once (and was that teeth grinding Paola heard coming from the Turk?)  before she just… _exploded_.

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU LIKE THIN MINTS!” she yelled right in Cesare’s face. Said man actually jumped slightly; bringing his hands up in surrender while his eyes widened. “MAYBE IF YOU GAVE ME MONEY FOR FUCKING COOKIES LIKE PAOLA AND SAID, ‘Oh hey, if you see any Girl Scout cookies can you get me some?’ THEN I WOULD HAVE FUCKING GOT YOU SOME! BUT YOU DIDN’T SO YOU CAN SHUT THE HELL UP AND WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT TIME YOU CAN GET FUCKING COOKIES!”

“I-I-I was just-“

He stopped as a finger nearly jabbed into his nose and stepped back as Yusuf stepped forward. “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE IF YOU WERE JOKING?! NO! READ MY LIPS. I. **AM**. **_DONE_**. I HAVE HAD IT WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH IN THE PAST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.”

“I didn’t kno-“Cesare started. He took one too many steps back and landed on the couch. The now dark brown eyed girl stopped right in front of him. With her nostrils flared, she kept yelling.

“I. DON’T. _CARE_. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH BULL SHIT TO DEAL WITH WHEN MY TARGET DECIDED TO TRY TO GET IN MY PANT LAST NIGHT. THEN HIS BODYGAURDS CHASED ME ALL OVER THE CITY IN NIAGRA FALLS WEATHER FOR TWO _HOURS_ AFTER I FINALLY KILLED HIM. THEN I AM WOKEN UP AFTER ONLY AN HOUR OF SLEEP BECAUSE OF MOTHER NATURE DECIDED TO BE A BITCH AND KICK ME IN THE GUT. _THEN_ I’M TOLD THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN GO BUY THE FOOD ‘CAUSE IT’S _MY WEEK_. SO, NO, I AM NOT DEALING WITH YOUR BULL SHIT OVER **_COOKIES_**!

Yusuf suddenly grabbed Cesare’s collar and dragged him up so their faces nearly touched. The ex-Templar’s face turned pale while the assassin’s eyes narrowed to slits of dark brown. “I woke up this morning in a pool of my own blood,” she hissed. “Do you want your day to end like that?”

Cesare wildly shook his head. “N-n-no ma’am-m-m,” he stuttered.

The brunette shoved him back into the couch and turned to leave. “If anyone needs me, I’m going to be stabbing the stuffing out of one of the dummies.”

Everyone stayed silent even after the Turk left with her cloud of death following her. Everyone except Cesare who was whimpering and rocking himself in fetal position while Gravity who was trying to calm him. It was a good thing Yusuf told them where she would be; now they knew what room to stay away from.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yusuf: ..............meep.............
> 
> Ezio: There, there. It's out of your system now. -pats Yusuf's back- Feedback is awesome and flames will be used to burn all the Girl Scout Cookies in the world.


End file.
